I’m guilty of being overly-excited before some dates. While getting ready, I turn up my music, dance like I’m on “Dance Party USA” in its prime and maybe even have a glass of wine to ease up if I wasn’t eased up already.

But to show up to someone’s house completely lit, that I would never do. Which is why, when “Steve” rolled up to my house completely wrecked, not only was I insulted a date with me insinuated it’s okay to be stoned but I was afraid to get in the car once I felt his state of mind was dubious.

“Steve” parked his fancy new Corvette in my driveway and started honking his horn incessantly to get my attention. I was a little taken aback at his approach for letting me know he’d arrived but I thought maybe he’d been there for a while and I hadn’t heard him beep the first ten times over the Yeah Yeah Yeahs blasting from my stereo.

I skipped outside to meet him only to find he was still beeping his horn, not even looking up to see if I was coming. I knocked on his car window to let him know I was there and his greeting hello basically consisted of a chin tilt upwards and a button click to unlock the power door locks.

I stepped inside his car and beamed, “Hey! Nice car!” He said, “I know.” “Where are we going?” I asked, excited. I’d barely gotten in the car and closed the door when he answered my question by peeling out of my driveway, tires screeching, “You’ll see!” he yelled over his revving engine.

Speeding down my little residential street with his music blaring, alerting every neighbor of our presence and his pricey Corvette, my eyes widened as I feared for my life. All the while, I struggled to find the seatbelt and clip myself in since he hadn’t given me the opportunity to do this before going all Mario Andretti on me.

“I love the sound of this engine, listen to it!” he proclaimed, excited. Listen to it? I could hear it without even trying to listen to it! He pulled a sharp turn and got on the freeway, speeding, naturally. My hands clipped on the door and dashboard for balance, I asked him to please slow down. “What? I can’t hear you!” he yelled. “Please slow down,” I requested. “What?” he asked again. “SLOW THE FUCK DOWN!” I ordered him now.

Laughing maniacally, he started to make fun of me. “You’re scared of a little speed?” This was a no-brainer. “Yes, I don’t fucking like it at all!” Couldn’t he tell I wasn’t having fun?

He got off the freeway, pulled into a side street and put the car in park. “Do you mind if I do then?” I didn’t quite understand. “Do I mind if you do what?” I asked. “Speed,” he answered as if I were the idiot. “Speed? Are you fucking joking me?” He pulled out a bag of white powder and clearly, he wasn’t joking.

“What did you think I was talking about?” And he was serious. He saw nothing wrong with his driving nor with offering me narcotics after I’d told him I was “scared of speed” – whether “speed” entailed driving like a maniac or snorting drugs like one.

“Can you please take me home? I don’t really feel all that well,” I said. “Sure,” he replied, taking the parking brake off. “Uh, actually wait a sec!” I wasn’t going to drive anywhere else with this asshole.

“Let me drive,” I insisted. He started with a chuckle as if what I said was the most ridiculous thing in the world as his chortle turned into a full bellied laugh at my expense. “You’re joking! You want to drive my car? My car?” No, buddy. That fucker over there who I’m not a on a date with. “Whose car did you think I meant?” Idiot.

“You’re funny, you know that,” he said. “Drive my car, what a joker!” Laughing all the while, I felt no need to be around this jerk anymore and so I got out of his car and slammed the door. Without looking back, I heard him yell, “Where are you going?” but I didn’t bother answering.

I knew the area well, luckily and just made my way to the main street, found a Subway Sandwich shop, ate a sub and waited for my girlfriend to come pick me up. She showed up a lot sooner than I thought.

“What happened to you this time?” she asked me. “Don’t ask,” I told her. And then I wondered, “Hey, how’d you get here so fast?” She answered, “Speeding. I sped the whole way.” And I was like, “What kind of speed?” Raised eyebrow, she looked at me, perplexed. “What do you mean?” “Nothing, don’t worry about it. Thanks for coming to my rescue.”

The night ended with my girlfriend and I sharing a sub in the moonlight.

Do you think I was overreacting?